Dear Hikaru
by In.The.Closet.Otaku
Summary: The twins have spent a year apart. One falling out of love, the other falling in. Now it's their birthday, is is too late for one things to work themselves out?  Oneshot.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: **I don't own but oh if I did….oh if I did….*evil smile*

**A/N- **Here's a oneshot I wrote in the middle of the night. I warn you it is pretty rough, but at the end of all this there's a lil something I wanna share about writing this because this fic is pretty personal to me….

Now that I'm done being boring….on with it! (Sorry the letter's long…)

Hikaru tore open the cream colored envelope, hands shaking nervously. He received the letter he was about to read just yesterday, and after one year of no contact he was relieved to see it, but at the same time scared of what it's contents might hold.

Dear Hikaru,

_I could never have said this in person, could never have handled your caring response with the pained undertone. So know after much deliberation and a year of mental healing I am writing this letter to you._

_I know that my feelings for you, as deep and true as they may have been, not only made you uncomfortable…but hurt you one way or another. And when you get this, don't try to reassure me because Hika, I know that in some way it did hurt you._

_While knowing this Hika I'm sorry. I wish everyday I hadn't felt that way. Sometimes when the thought of you crossed my mind, I would wish I wasn't gay. Just so things might have been easier for you._

_Please forgive me for what I'm about to do, out of my own selfish needs; I am going to explain why I felt the way I did._

_Hikaru,_

_Just the mere act of saying your name gave me a sense of joy and safety. The sound of your voice and the feeling of your tender embrace were the only things in this world that made me feel at home._

_I loved your uninhibited laugh. A laugh that made me believe that maybe, one day, I could be happy again._

_I loved that you were the only person who knew just what to say, to take away my shame and pain._

_I loved the way you could always make me laugh, you're the only one who could ever do that._

_I'm thankful everyday that you were the only one who never judged me for the terrible things I've done._

_I loved that when I was with you, I could be myself with no restraint and that you would have me just as I was._

_I loved you Hikaru, with all my heart, for being you._

_You were the only person who could mend the pieces of my broken heart. I am whole again._

_You are the only one who has ever stopped me from hurting myself. I am no longer scarred._

_Somewhere down the line I fell in love with you, the word I now refuse to use…and the only word I could have ever used to attempt to describe the feelings I had for you._

_Please understand that I never wanted you to try and return my feelings, something I knew you could never do…_

_All that said I will always love you as my twin, and hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me for everything I put you through._

Sincerely,

Kaoru Hitachiin


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: **Well here's Chapter 2 the last chapter. I dedicate this fic to TakuraHakashiro!

Hikaru suppressed the moan threatening to escape his throat, tears freely falling. _Kaoru, oh Kaoru I'm so sorry for turning you away… I'm so sorry that you held all this in for so long. But Kaoru please don't have stopped loving me because I spent this year falling in love with you. _

Pointless lovers, one night stands, empty 'I love you's that was the world Hikaru had lived in. Feeling that something was always missing, with every girl he was with.

Until one day… today… their birthday. They had never spent it without each other; their birthday morning ritual would have been to stay in bed cuddled in each others arms until the maids brought up their pancakes. Then without fail every year they would have a maple syrup fight followed by a shared shower and more tender embraces.

Their afternoon tradition was to play the worst pranks they could on the twin maids because these were the maids that bothered them the most. These maids were not true twins, identical looks aside, they didn't know each other the way Hikaru and Kaoru did. They tried desperately to finish each others sentences, always missing a word or phrase the other would then have to say. But Hikaru and Kaoru's bond was so strong they never corrected each other, only smiled in triumph at their unobvious displays of affection.

But the best part, to Hikaru, was when they went to bed. This tradition was new, they had only done it twice, but it was pure bliss every time. After curling up in the soft silk sheets they would proceed to talk as they usually did. The excitement of the day wearing off and the exhaustion setting in Hikaru would routinely take Kaoru into his arms. Holding Hikaru tightly, Kaoru looked up at his older twin, a euphoric smile spreading across his face, a smile that his twin soon mirrored.

"Happy birthday Hikaru" Kaoru would whisper placing a chaste kiss on Hikaru's lips.

"Happy birthday Kaoru" Hikaru would reply, deepening the kiss between them into a tongue tied passionate embrace.

It was in remembering this that Hikaru realized the only person he ever wanted to hold in a warm embrace and confess his love to was Kaoru…

As Hikaru retrieved his luggage from the carousel, he glanced at his watch, 9 p.m. . He had time, but was the time enough?

Hikaru entered the Hitachiin's mansion at precisely eleven o'clock at night, a heavy sigh and exuberant smile were all it took to send him tiptoeing up the stairs to his twin's room.

Hikaru quietly opened the door, peering in to see the bed made and dust covering the furniture. The older Hitachiin gasped immediately thinking the worst until a loud and all too familiar snore came from the room across the way.

Slipping off his outer garments Hikaru slipped into what was once his room. Tears flowed and Hikaru let a sad smile replace his earlier happy one as he saw his younger twin curled up in bed with his pillow; clutching it tightly as he used to do to Hikaru.

Hikaru slipped silently into the bed taking place of the pillow, happy to be back with his brother's warmth. Kaoru stirred awake confused as to why Hikaru's pillow was suddenly very much like the real thing, even holding him tightly.

Kaoru's eyes widened, realization sunk in and he looked up to see the tear stained smiling face of Hikaru. Without any hesitation Kaoru held him tightly, whispering in his ear:

"Happy birthday Hikaru" Kaoru whispered placing a kiss on his twin's cheek.

"Happy birthday Kaoru" Hikaru smiled, pulling Kaoru into a passionate kiss and tight embrace.

**~End~**

So remember how I was saying this was personal? That's because…

That letter was real! I wrote it to a person named 'Kaiya', formerly known as Takura, a while ago, but I edited it just a tiny bit so I could use it for the twins. But all in all I don't like this story and am too lazy to rewrite it so yeah…

Yes Takura as in TakuraHakashiro the person I'm dedicating this to lol. She writes pretty well you should read her things although I think they are Naruto or Inuyasha based involving OCs and crossovers or something idk o.O

**So R&R and tell me what ya think! Please remember I know it sucks so don't flame too hard .**


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